The Stereotypical Textbook

A few posts ago , I wrote about the stereotypical villain. I mentioned the appearance , characteristics and personality of such a person( if it exists). However , I believe that it is time I bring to your attention the character of a much more personal , dangerous villain we encounter in our day to day life who literally makes us pull our hair out with frustration.

They are textbooks.

Myth says there there was nary a man who had opened a textbook without the faintest bit of fear , apprehension. When one opens it , even the warmest of volcanoes turn cold . Water freezes at room temperature and people tend to Urinate the hardest.
What makes textbooks so morbid and ominous ?

1) same as the villain ... Bad Appearance.
Lets take magazines . Colorful. Glossy.Full of half-naked women with voluptuous bosoms. Cheap ? Yes. Sell like hot cakes. Sold everywhere . Popular too .Size Zero ?? You bet.
Textbooks . Cheap ? You bet. i spend more money in buying textbooks than in paying fees for the exam where i put the content of those books to use .
Colorful.Yes its so choke full of gray, black and white I get reminded of my Grandpa everytime I open it .Occasionally some textbook has a dual-color or a gradient color , prompting orgasms from book worms all over the place.

Full of half-naked women with voluptuous bosoms ?? I dont think such kind of women are inclined to read why heap sort is preferred over bubble sort.

Sells like hot cakes ? Unfortunately , with a gazillion students graduating every year ,textbooks are in great demand to memorize and vomit tonnes of shit into answer papers, prompting black market sales and robbery of the libraries.

Size Zero ?? more like Madame Dinosaur who became depressed after her 15th marriage ended in divorce . Big , fat and weighing atleast 150 kilos . And that's only Part 1.

2) False Promises and assurances .
The greatest textbooks start with the following sentences.
" This book will offer you a gentle introduction into the contents ....."
" By the time you finish this book , you know what hell feels like..... "
"The language is very easy , the text concise so that monkeys like you know better than to buy a book like this "

This so reminds me of politicians and mega-villains
" I will kill the bloody hero and wash my leg with his blood "
" He will die for his arrogance and opposition" .... " I will make an example out of him""

Lies will take you nowhere . Be honest and remove that bloody preface . Atleast it will help us save a couple of bucks and 500 grams of weight.

3) Cost. for the price of a textbook , you can buy three Lamborghinis and a fit it with a nitrous kit and still have enough cash leftover to go on a trip to mars and back.
Knowledge is wealth . Plain trash made from the english alphabet is even more expensive .

4) Uselessness.
Just like villains they are just empty words. At the last minute you desperately try using your book , demanding it , pleading with it show some enlightenment .Hopeless. You will still get trashed by your opponent .


Enough of the Cynicism . What can be textbooks used for ?

Textbooks are extremely useful as weapons of mass destruction . A 1000 of them when dropped over a city can do as much damage as 10 kiloton nuke.
Textbooks are also the source of a contagious disease called Twilightophiliosis where people get hallucinations of being consorts of vampires and start drinking diluted Nerolac paint .

Old textbooks are a very dangerous source of radiation, causing sever long term effects among users and other people who come in contact with them . Always be wary of such items when you go into an old book shop.The movie Resident Evil is said to have been inspired by such an infection of ten people in an old college .

Indeed with the recent turn of events , factions of al-Qaeda and Hizbul-Mujahideen have dropped their plans on acquiring nukes and have started collecting textbooks of the Anna University and are planning to detonate it in metropolitan cities across the world . They are so dangerous that most of the terrorist who have come in contact with them are said to be suffering from terminal cancer and will commit the detonation as the last act of their life before going on meet their god.

We can conclude that unlike filmy villains , textbooks arent that useless. The easiest way to get into the Forbes 500 is make a contract with Colleges in Tamilnadu and start supplying textbooks to students.Banks are in talks with each other to delve into the prospect of offering book loans to students in lieu of their brains and kidneys . Or else if you are the taking action into hands kind who hates the world , you can make your own book bomb and drop it all over the country .

Remember , with great power comes great responsibility .

Friggin Exams

Due to impending exams , I have to spend time reading pointless stuff that would make even Dr.Sheldon Cooper vomit at the sheer amount of blasphemy.So I will be quite a break before I resume writing stuff again . Fear not , for the last bastion of freedom isnt destroyed yet. Its just taken a pee break . Enjoy your time and read better ones to stave off boredom.

A classification of music genres and fans

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Heights of Insanity

You know when you are crazy when


1.) Wake until 2 in the morning and then go into the kitchen to make a bowl of hot soup .
2.) Turn on all the fans when it is freezing and then sleep without a shirt just for the sake of feeling the raw  chillness.
3.)Walk all the way from R.S Puram to Gandhipuram via Townhall and back to R.S Puram at 
   4 in the evening  just because you are bored at home .
4.)Play 4 hours of Counter-Strike right before the day of the exam to keep away the guilty-consciousness that  washes over you when you dont want to study.
5.)Read a 500 page book cover-to-cover in 2 days when sitting in front of the teacher in the lab.
6.)Go out of the house at 10 PM to get a bar of candy
7.)Go to the library and read page no 150 of Advanced Quantum Physics despite majoring
     in software engineering.
8.)Chatting with 5 people simultaneously , 2 on facebook , 2 on gmail and screaming at your Mom live.
9.)Drinking the mil right out of the packet without boiling or pouring it in a Tumbler just because it saves you 30 secs despite  you waking up 30 min late.
10.)Doing math to calculate the Dot pixels per inch of your computer screen while walking down the street.
11.)Reading newspapers sitting near a windows in the bus, so as to not miss the editorial before dad reads it .
12.)Trying to memorize value of Pi upto 20 digits.
13.)Trying to index your notes by using a hybrid system of Letters and date of when you wrote them.
14.)Holind your laptop upside down in the bed to get better colors off the screen while watching a movie.
15.)Carefully rolling up the Wireless Router in a soft cloth while taking it from your bedroom to the Hall.




Am I alone or are there ones crazier ?? Share your experiences with me