I hate writing

I have come to a conclusion.  I hate writing.

Goodbye long sentences. My brain can no longer concentrate on them.
Goodbye tough words. My brain isn't too worried about the nuances. I get the gist.
Goodbye philosophy. You are mostly bullshit.
Goodbye opinion. Your statistical significance is so low that even Frodo will have to bend down to see it.
Goodbye morality. Thanks to you i get into a "who has a bigger moral penis" competition with people on the INTERNET.
Goodbye Grammar. You will be obsolete in a few years.
Goodbye issues. Who cares about you?
Goodbye scandals. You will be replaced by larger, grander successors.
Goodbye politics. I could never figure you out.
Goodbye computer. You ruined my chances into IIT and crore scale dowry.

Protecting the women of our country

Today I saw the short film That Day after Everyday , by Anurag Kashyap .
No , I couldn't watch anything beyond the first few scenes. I know for fact that what was depicted happens in my life . I have seen people behave just as bad as this and worse . It makes me feel ashamed of being a man .

The end was lifting . The women strike back  at the men who make fun of them and harass them . They take the law into their hands and reply in kind to the treatment they are dealt with .

That ,dear Gentlemen is how we must empower our women . Not by locking them up inside our homes after the sun goes down. That was how the cavemen worked , hiding their families after dark to protect them from wild animals . We live in the 21st century AD , not BC .

The kind of ways in which the men of my city protect their women folk is surprising . The colleges do not allow girls to leave the campus after 7 PM , robbing them of plenty of chances to enjoy the city life and have some wonderful moments in their college life . The responsible  middle-aged uncles take up their tasks as vigilantes of Women safety by harassing couples in parks , especially after the sun sets . Do you think chasing of couples will protect your women  ? You are just setting an example to other men that women can be dominated and brought under their foot. That they ought to be treated like pets . Sitting when commanded so . Chasing away couples will only make women take more foolhardy risks when it comes to going out with men and choosing the wrong guy. They cannot explore options .You cant stop the hormones of the age. Instead provide your daughter with a safe way to choose her man .  Tell her that it's okay to go on a date . but ask her to provide you with the full details so that you can know where she is . Give her a reasonable time to come back to home . Do not protect your daughter . Instead teach her responsibility and maturity .

As a guy , I have come up with some ideas concerning women safety that I'd like to share with you all . I believe that some of these simple ideas might help promote the safety of women in the city
1) We need a community watch . I am not sure if we have one in Coimbatore . The basic premise of community watch is as follows :
             in every area of the city there are sure to be responsible men . Each such man can take up the duty of patrolling his area in shifts , ala night watchman style. The men can be trained and authorized by the police to use force when necessary . The contact no and details of all those men of a particular area can be given to women from that area , so that they can ask for help or escort when arriving late at night or when they are being harassed by unwanted elements

2) Instead of shutting off our women behind locked doors at nights , we can provide them safe rides back home . Do we stop traveling because it is dangerous and accident prone ? We takes steps to reduce accidents and improve safety on the road. Similarly , we can instead provide women night time buses manned by women
  a) designate a hotline similar to 108 or 100 that can provide immediate assistance to women . the assistance can be some sort of transport to and fro to their residence .
 b) have buses at night that ply at regular times at night for women. designate some bus stops as meeting point for women at night . Provide that bus stop with 24x7 lighting and a phone with  a direct connection to the hotline .Some study in some american city (google it ) showed that women are less likely to be harassed when they the perpetrators feel that they are in the spotlight. use this psychological tool to prevent potential harassment .
c) Hostels , do not lock in women into campuses . We feel sorry for them for missing out some of the best things in the city . Night life is a part of every women's life just as it a part of ours. Provide them with buses or run regular trips to the hostel like buses within IIT-Madras at late night .

3) We have to understand that protecting women from harassment is not a short term fix . It requires patience and reprogramming centuries of  a male dominated culture. We need to weed out things in life that despite our most vehement of protests ,affect the way we judge women .Masochistic ads for deodorants ,all those crummy skin cream ads for example . I dont say that we ban those . Just ignore them .Do avoid the talk that we have about women and how "slutty" they are getting . Asserting her independence is not "sluttiness" .  Going out with many boys is something you need not concern with .

We need to think of women as people , as beings with emotions and needs .Not some prize to be protected and married of and get done with . They are not tools in a trade of prestige and class. Virginity is not a gift to the bride groom for taking the burden of your shoulders . The woman is not the box that carries it . So stop thinking like a caveman and start thinking like a person of the 21 century ; civilized and cultured.

Preview - The Nature of Code

Normally books  attempting to teach numerical / scientific programming are rather hard to read  . One needs to be proficient not just in programming but also atleast good enough to follow the often heavy math /science involved . It takes hours to even go through the first few pages in Numerical recipes in C before one can start understanding it . However the book isnt to blame . It wasnt ever meant to be like Learn Java in 24hrs .

Enter the Nature of Code
This book is a rather different take on programming for the real world. It attempts to teach you the basics of physics , geometry and some computer science and does it in a simple way. I have barely scratched its surface and yet I am beginning to like it . The book is free to read online and has a pay what you like policy to buy the pdf. I cheaped out and got it for free to see just how good it is . It is really beginner friendly and not like hardcore programming textbooks . The book uses processing.js for code ( which is just javascript code) . So if you are new to programming and would love to do some physics programming , here is the best book to get you started

Congress bids to tap into INTERNET generation , declares Orkut as Other Backward Caste.

The congress government in a bid to change its sagging image over YoPappusoDumb tweets has decided to play the divide and conquer card by declaring Orkut users as a Other Backward Community and therefore eligible to avail the plethora of schemes under the UPA government.

The moves comes after the UPA's efforts to effectively mobilise social media and support of internet savvy youngsters blew up like North Korea's nuclear missile . Citing increased abuse of the minority community on facebook and twitter , the Congress government's megaphone Diggy Singh gave the following report to our reporter “ We have watched the pathetic state of Orkut since 2009 when it was eclipsed by other social media networking sites . They have not only stolen away the intelligent users from Orkut , they also mock members of Orkut publicly and subject them to great humiliation . There is even a profile called Wall of Shame in facebook where orkut user's email id and phone numbers are posted so that members can make fun of Orkut users in other online communities . In fact one of our very own party officials have been subject to tremendous humiliation when the BJP and other parties knew that he had an Orkut account. “ When asked by our reporter to identify the official involved in the harassment case , Diggy declined citing privacy concerns . He however added that the person is now recuperating after such a vicious attack online in Italy . Ending the conversation with a firm note , he said “ As a secular state , we just cannot tolerate this kind of rampant communalism as practised by Modiji who sends updates only via his tweets . Every ,community needs to be addressed equally .”

The government has also said that it will direct BSNL to provide 27% reservation in internet bandwidth to certified Orkut users . The opposition condemned the move so strongly that online communities froze for over a minute before coming out of shock and resuming normal activities . A probe has been demanded to be taken up by the Election Commission for what many describe as a bribe to convert users into Orkut . BJP leaders meanwhile have added that “along with a ban on religious conversions , a ban on online community conversion will also be put into law once it comes into power”

Critics on facebook and twitter accused the congress of playing the minority card to manipulate vote banks during the next general elections . “Honestly who the bloody hell gives a scrap about these Orkut users “ posted a fb-ian on his wall , which was then liked and shared by fellow fb-ians .Facebook users destroyed effigies of Orkut pages on facebook and assaulted orkut supporters by spamming their walls with viagra and poonam pandey pictures . #BoycottOrkutAndolan became the trending hashtag on twitter . 

“  If bearing with people who had Shahid Kapoor themes for their profiles wasnt enough , I now have to hand over 27% of my bandwidth to these bollywood listening idiots “ laments Aditya Rockdick , a rocker from New Delhi both an active facebookie and twitterati .

Google meanwhile welcomes the move. “Honestly , we were in a conundrum as neither Orkut nor Google+ did as well as we expected . “ quotes Sergey Brin. “ The OBC status should bring a lot of relief and comfort to Orkut users who have been ignored by the rest of the world and have become unfriendables on other networks . No one should have to ever go through the experience of opening their accounts after 3 weeks and find just underwear ads and no updates from friends . Its too inhumane of us to even think of subjecting a person to such torture . “

Sergey Brin also added that he would like to see Google+ users given a scheduled tribe status in India. “you know its a wilderness out there in the world of google+. One rarely gets to see another active user . Google+ is a jungle with neither stalkers nor girls “

Man dead, killed by falling Rupee

The Indian rupee's fall has never had fatal consequences  , until now . Mr.Bechara ,a labourer was walking on Rajiv Gandhi Marg when the rupee that has been falling for the past few days fell on his head , fatally injuring him . He was rushed to the nearest Rajiv Gandhi hospital, where he was pronounced dead on arrival . The incident shocked citizens across the country  as nobody till now has ever been affected directly by the falling rupee. "I was only worried about the rising price of Onion so far . Never has the fall of the rupee ever worried me . But now times have changed " laments Mr.Khan who is not a terrorist but a citizen of this country . 
The government has express its condolence over the death of Bechara and has provided a compensation of 1.25 lakhs to his family .

man tweets happy independence day against wishes

Owing to overwhelming  pressure of patriotic tweets ,shares and likes sweeping the country a man today was forced to tweet "Happy Independence day" tweets and reply to incoming wishes on his facebook wall. 
Mr. Jai Hind Singh , a programmer in Bangalore , who thought he would be independent of his American master for one day and sit and enjoy a day not staring at a monitor for 20 hrs , was perturbed  when his cellphone started beeping and spitting out independence day tweets and shares . Not wanting to be seen as a terrorist by the NSA and UPA monitoring his tweets, Mr. Singh quickly tweeted an independence day tweet and due to this simple mistake was forced to respond to each and every mention with the #indyday tag from his social circle. Infact the only thing Mr.Singh was able to do on independence day was to go to the toilet without having  to told to do so . Mr.Singh's friend Vijaykanth says " I waz enraged when I bound dad Singh did nod dweed Aapy independence dai. I dot dad he waz bakistaaan deeviravadhi and celebraded Independence Dai yesderdai . Only aafder his dweed did I conclude dad he is Gundian ".                        

Indian Railways plans to replace IRCTC web portal with Telegraph

In a stunning move to improve the speed of booking tickets online , after complaints that spanned the breadth and width of India , Indian Railways has decided to replace its online portal with the just retired  Telegraph service . An highly placed railways official said " Indian Railways always believes that old is gold and what truly is classic will never die. We even keep the seats dirty and use coaches dating back to the Raj in our trains  to give passengers a nostalgic journey. Infact , we are even thinking of replacing the diesel engines with coal powered ones owing to the high fuel prices . Our decision to replace the online portal was not easy . However our internal performance reports show that booking
tickets via telegrams is faster than using our online portal . The railways minister Malliarjun Kharge was so impressed that he immediately fired all the IT staff at IRCTC and then bought out all now useless telegraph equipment from the BSNL exchange nearby and their engineers and operators ."  
The official also stressed on the fact that this system of booking tickets is unique and exists nowhere else in the world . He also points out that the system is unhackable  " Who the bloody hell knows morse code these days . The only thing people know today is C and Java code . " Meanwhile anticipating a huge demand for telegraph thanks to the move by IRCTC ,  NIIT has started offering Morse Code programming classes with guaranteed placements in IRCTC after completion of the course . 





-this is the beginning of my tidbit fake news column where i treat you to a small tasty snack once in every few days