Wednesday, May 30, 2012

The real weapon of politics - communal amnesia

I dont think such a word exists in the dictionary . If you find a word that can describe it , please do mention in the comments below

During the great days of 2011 starting in the summer , there was a great amount of public involvement in a movement started by an old man called Anna Hazare . Thousand of people , even lakhs if I may speculate thronged the roads , the empty lawns and parks voicing support for him vociferously . Gandhian caps were the in thing in fashion , and homespun cotton-esque clothes were the highlight of the summer 2011 season . Big stages were made , anti-corruption talks were made , thousands of new laws that should have been incorporated into the constitution over the years were suddenly forced to be passed in the Lok and Rajya Sabha . Out of the blue  it seemed that something stirred up the collective consciousness of the millions of Indians both in India and outside to change the nation they call home.

Fast forward 2012 . IPL 5 won by kolkata . Mamata and her antics make Kapil Sibal seem like a child pulling the legs of his toy . A big jig is up in the BJP with each dancer trying to capture the centre stage. 9 hour power cuts in TamilNadu . Chikni Chameli is the rage racking up 5 million views kolaveri style.


WHO or WTF was the ANNA HAZARE MOVEMENT ?


History is a very amusing teacher , filled with sarcasm and a deja-vu attitude. Time and again it tells us that Indians have retrograde amnesia built into their genes . They possess no long term working memory when it comes to politics nor a common-sense . Everytime something big crops up , it is allowed to rage on for a month and is suddenly doused by something bigger , more grandiose and current .

Welcome to the world of Indian politics and how politicians deceive us .

The dawn of internet media , social networking and BREAKING NEWS channels have only fueled this type of politics . Last June / July ( apologize my poor memory , its after all , in my DNA) many anna hazare support forums and groups were started on facebook , twitter streams poured in support for the old Gandhian not to mention  cameras constantly focused on him 24x7 ( save for when he is in the lavoratory ) . Tonnes of people were spotted updating their profile pics with Gandhian Caps and sitting with others pretending to listen someone talk about corruption . I remember getting into heated arguments with many on the forums telling them that a laws and judgements can never be like Instant Pop-corn .

"YOU are a disgrace to the nation for NOT supporting anna hazare "
" get out of this country , loser"
were a few comments i got too ....

Fast forward 2012 : this is what i see in the same forum  that was once the shining beacon of India






















To invite more people into the hip club , the admins invited and joined as many girls as possible into the group ensuring a constant supply of boys , likes and comments for all the nonsense that can be said .

What then happened ??

The Lokpal proposed by the government was so lame that even Katrina Kaif admitted that she lacks acting skills and stuck to just dancing. It was a typical congress move, do something small and let the media ride the wave of so called "sweeping change and dawn of a modern era "dance and talk about it so loudly without a pause that ten days later everyone is just sick of it . Then bring in a new scandal just after the TRP's drop down ( or make Rahul Gandhi buy a chewing gum from a local stall , calling that a commitment to Aam Admi from the UPA government ) distracting people from the previous problem and the lame dick solution presented to it . Indeed right the 2g scam after it was first brought to limelight by Subramanian Swami , this tactic has worked extremely well for congress  which has allowed it to ride storm after storm until and will until the elections in 2014. Youngsters dropped pretending to be political afficandos and went back to liking boobs , butts and shiny plastic cars on facebook .

OK . History 101 is over . What else then ?

Well  just like the Hindu cycle of karma and rebirth , this just repeats itself. Now another person has taken up the mantle of social revolutionary this time however with more fans : Aamir Khan .

I did watch the first episode of Satyameva Jayate. Aamir Khan seemed sincere in his support for change and to the empowerment of the poor . His coverage of female foeticides in Rajasthan spurred the government to take action , banning ultrasound scanning devices in many a unlicensed lab .

I have a simple question . How long will this last ? Till a new movie is released from Aamirk Khan productions ? Till the next IPL ? Till the TRPs drop ?


I blame the social media for this problem. I also blame the news channels for this problem. They do nothing but blow up small inconsequential happening into big bad nationwide news and ride high on the advertisement revenue . The moment this becomes yesterday's news ,  it is trashed and thrown into the bin just an old newspaper . Would they atleast cover one story in depth without the mass hysteria and shock effect . Would they atleast stop one day for pretending to be the pillars of truth and instead just report on the happening and stop analyzing and dissecting it with so called "experts" live ??

The problem is with social networking is that , I repeat , gives us a false impression of achievement. This may be cliched , but that is the bitter truth . No amount of liking will save kids in Africa . No number of comments will save AIDS patients nor cure cancer . No amount of blogging will save earth . Except perhaps increase you electric bill. To support something you have to be there with it . Not sit in front of monitor , listening to  Justing Bieber in one tab and calling a photo of Aamir Khan as "hawt" .

Rome was not built in one day . Neither  are judgments . Nor laws . Nor changes . A population of over a billion is  dynamic , big entity that takes thousands of individual man hours to recognize , realize and change .So kindly stop sending me stupid facebook requests on joining some nonsense movement.


if you really want likes then I suggest you do this .

go to https://eff.org and look at their proposals and campaigns
go to the interentdefenseleague.org and do something that actually has purpose .
Stop wasting your time of facebook pretending to be into politics and go on with your flirting / hooking up work.

In short , get a life bozo .





Saturday, May 19, 2012

I give this to thee Indian censorship


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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Why this censorship kolaveri ?



Yes , i used kolaveri in the title to make it stand up more in google search . But that is beside the point. 


Long holidays and no company drive any person insane. No different here . Facebook is become the most boring place on the earth , suddenly being invaded by gospels , social messages ( a like can save a Somalian child from certain death ), posters and  the crazy mindless football fans ( GO arsenal) who sitting in their armchairs proclaiming  that THEIR team is winning ( especially the bloody Man Utd fans) . Tired and sickened of all this nonsense , I tuned on to the TV  . Big mistake . Switched to star movies .
Bigger mistake. 


The whole point of subtitles is to provide a transcript of the dialogue so that the people watching can follow the dialog closely . However whats the point of it if it is totally censored . 
This is how a subtitle goes


 " Keep talking sweety and I'm gonna stick the **** right up your *****. I dont give  a *****  as to what you ******, you ******** !


To decode the ****** we need to use the following key


*** - ass
**** - fuck 
***** - bitch
********** - God knows what . 


If they ever telecast Lock , stock and two smoking barrels on Star movies , the subtitles would go like this . 


******* !@#@#@#? ?? ************ yes , *******, awright ...^%&%^&*******
************     *)()())()(


And then there is that stupid message every once in a while  "If you find anything that you consider as inappropriate in this channel please call &***(*(*(*(*(#$$#
, the broadcasting authority of INDIA " 


Some arent censored as bad this . They are translated into worse forms .
Shit becomes crap. Holy shit becomes holy crap . I dont think  any god man would approve of holy crap over holy shit . 


OK . Granted i dont like censoring the bad words . But that's just me. Kids might be watching the channel. Old conservative babus might be watching Sin city with their entire family in tow. This **** needs to be done .  But why is it that many would find the word gay abusive or inappropriate ? "Queer" doesnt solve this . Infact it makes it even worse by showing that star movies  doesnt want to accept same sex relationships as a reality and portray it as a fictional , non-existing occurrence .
LGBT groups will be sickened by this portrayal of what is not a taboo anymore by a channel as respected as star movies .
While the sensitivity is appreciated , it should be done in the right way . Trying to pretend that  a problem doesnt exist is not THE solution . Sensitize people by showing them the reality . 


The stupid government doesnt understand this . It is not run by intelligent people , rather by sheep that just follow the leader blindly ( which turns out to be nothing but a wolf in disguise ) . It will take another 200 years for them to realise that we live in a modern world and not in the 18th century . So please , heed my request and stop censoring shit . After seeing it all over the country , we are sad that it isnt shown in the screen too. SO stop censoring , for the worst part of censoring is ************************







Saturday, March 31, 2012

To study or not to study

Tired of all things



Its a waste of time , I say. Writing assignments , doing seminars , exams , exams ,exams , exams .
Arre what is the point ... at work I am simply going to sit in front of the kompooter , tapping at the keyboard ... why do I learn integral e power x and differential of e power theta raised to omega - rekha ...

Welcome to the world of useless education ... where you never use what you learn .
Take chemistry boss.... you learnt organic, you learnt inorganic , thermal , physical , you learnt reagants , catalyst ,protein , dna . All the chemistry I use now is to check if the water I drink has no kachada in it . Only organic chemical I know is alcohol , found in TASMAC in plenty quantities. Why bother learning all that ?

Again Boss you come to college ... learn fourier transform , laplacian and volume integral ... While I know fourier transform is used to encode video signals why bother ? All I want to watch is Chikni CHameli . I dont care if you send it by fourier transfrom or Courier . Number theory I learnt. Matrix I learnt. The only matrix I remember ki is the movie from 1999 with all its stunts and flying kicks still copied by Vijayakanth and Vijay . Statistics I sitting and mugging in school . ALl I want to know is the batting avg of Sachin Tendulkar . WHY i BOTHER abouther variance and deviation . All I know about deviation is when my mother says " Beta , you no studying at home ... TV is deviating you . study kanna.Become BIG engineer .Earn well " . I think "Amma, if I want to earn money , I become politician only . Quick and simple ... all black money , no tax , full power . I go to law college , become lawyer then turn politician like Vandumurugan . Why I come to engineering and break head ?? "
Only BODMAS is putting soru(white rice) for me wherever I go . Nothing more than add , mul ,sub and div useful in real life . then why I learn geometry ??
Lets not forget physics tambi . When bus stopping , I jump front .Me hurt no , me get down like gethu ... physics yes , but I dont have to understand it . The quantum theory of physics .You mutta pasanga ... you cant even see atom . Why you bother about it ? You cannot see force ,,, why then formulate stupid equations to calculate it ? Me learn Newtonian physics and thermodynamics and carnot engine .... but only petrol and diesel engine matter in real life .

4 years of learning .... before that 14 years of preparation . Most of us are going to go into the service sector , catering to the needs of a guy 20000 km away , nodding and moving to his whims and fancies . Why do we then have to waste so much time to become nothing more than a hired servant with a regular salary ?

I am not blaming engineering or the staff or students. I am just pointing out the drudgery it has become . Insted of being a way to look and manipulate our world better , it has become too machinistic ( if I am permitted to use my own words ) . No more is engineering a challenge , innovative thinking . Big things are done by guys at IIT , so why do I have to bother ? I learn just to get a job , a wife , a house and settle down . This is how animals live , not men and certainly not intelligent and capable men .

Yes , there is a lot of stuff that simply is never used by us after we have learnt it , atleast not directly. However , everything affects us in its own way . FFT might be a pig to learn , but nothing can describe the joy of watching your favorite song or sports match online in YouTube . (you may thank FFT for that silently . Relax no one is going to hear you ).We neednt worry about why we dont apply what we learn . Rather its time we think about how to apply what we learnt. Education isnt just about formulae and equations . Its an experiment where you make mistakes and learn from them.
You may not use everything just after you've learnt it , but when the time comes you should be glad that you did .


So boss , I think I bore you lot with philosophy , dont worry . Its just like another theory class , you sleep with eye open nodding head when teacher says you understand . So after reading this , tell friend you understood the fundamental roots of the question to the meaning of life and all iz well.... forget this after you read and go to movie and enjoy the rest of the day.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Whats wrong with this country and the monkey army of Kapil Sibal

Nothing sucks more than having your opinion thrown into the garbage and being sued for it . Freedom of speech is a fundamental right . And there is no way you can screen that . If you want a society that is never offensive to anybody or anything in particular than the only way to achieve that is for the entire human society to commit suicide . Or learn an MBA and work in a corporate ( but what they dont say , they screw you out of a job and life ) .

Why Sibal idiot's stupid policy sucks is mainly because of the following aspects

No accountability : There are no hard and fast rules describing what is objectionable . Any asshole can sue you if he doesnt like what you do. If you say for eg the Brown samosas you eat at singhie's corner totally kicks your ass , you may get sued because someone find the word brown racist and thinks that the ideal samosa color should be samosan yellow . calling something brown that is actually brown in color will hurt the sentiments of millions of Indian who are trying to turn whiter and whiter every year.
The courts will not give you any notification to remove the content or go through any legal process to uphold your rights. Given the right amount of money , anybody blogging about the shitty quality of broadband will be sued for disturbing the harmony of the thieves in suits sitting in those companies and for causing them stress and mental agony.

Sue not just the creator , but wire that carried that letter , the router that carried the packets to the website , the software that runs on the website and the processor manufacturer too ..
The Indian government has long adopted a powerful technique to attack a huge number of people at once . Blind fire . Sue the crap out of anybody . Right from the blogger to James Clerk Maxwell and Alexander Bell whose inventions lets us communicate with the world .Dont worry about logic . we will get someone atleast , even if is the lineman at BSNL .
Unlike some countries that enforce a sensible policy of being concerned only with the source of the creation, the Indian law explicitly mentions that the entire platform including the site and its owner and the ISP will be held accountable for the actions of the user. If this were to be implemented in the Indian govt structure than not only will there be any public servant in the next 3 months , we would save jmillions just bynot getting the Afternoon Chai and samosas for the Mahans.

The worst among this is the apathy towards this by the students and youth of our country. Egyptian college students took to streets . The ones in Libya battled against the regular army .Students in UCB protested , bunked classes to come out and voice against corporate mismanagement and tyranny .Yet you and I sit here , in front of our computer with a 5GB unlimited broadband , reading this while sideloading porn videos of Sunny Leone on the side . We deserve this for our lack of interest in the progress of our nation and the preservation of our basic rights .Probably the only thing you are going to worry about is missing out watching Katrina's ass in her next item song if her song is censored . We Indians dont give a rat's ass until it hurts us personally . The cowardliest race of the world deserves this and rightly so .






Monday, November 21, 2011

From Brown to White : A cheapskate's guide

Tired of your brown skin ? Want to get fair quickly , easily and more importantly , CHEAPLY ?
This is an option hardly addressed by many cosmetic companies . While most of them are aware of this country's obsession with fairness ( except the government ) hardly few understand the cravings on an Indian to save as much money as he can . However luckily for them the need to become fair is a more powerful pull than the needs to save money thanks to high disposable incomes and globalization . With foreign brands like Chanel , L'Oreal ,Christian Dior etc . available in India pretty soon the brown will be forever abolished from the face of India to be replaced by pure milky silky costly white .The UPA government is said to discussing a plan to offer more subsidies on cosmetics to people ,cutting back on organic farming and solar power harvesting to eradicate this nation-wide disease .

Until such plans are implemented your options for cheap fairness are quite limited .
Step Right in . You have come to the right place . Below are some of the cheapest products I have known that will enhance your non-existent fairness in no time . A few are household items that wont even increase your current budget by a single penny .

Calcium Carbonate . This piece of cosmetic is a beauty . It is found in large quantities in talcum powders .Even building are made fair using this stuff .Think about it man ..... What is the secret of the house that stands out in the sun without getting tanned in years ? And this stuff is literally dirt cheap . And best of all is that if it is winter , this warms up your skin without the need of any artificial heaters , further bringing down the costs . And yeah , its completely maintenance free. Paint yourself once and forget the need to ever visit the beauty parlor for years . Even the Caucasians would envy you .

Chlorine. If calcium carbonate is not your style ,then step up to chlorine . The most widely used bleaching agent . If you are not convinced , let me give you an example . Trees are brown ( just as you skin) in color . yet the paper produced from them are snow-white . Why ? Chlorine . Chlorine is used to bleach wood pulp to produce WHITE paper . Your skin is softer than wood pulp making it easier to bleach you white . Chlorine is anti-bacterial and can effectively kill the microbes that cause pimples and other skin problems effectively cleansing your skin .
( Note : As chlorine is a carcinogen , you can even die quickly , without having to worry about growing old or worrying about future expenses. )

Asian Paints . Ironically , this paint aims to eradicate the color of the Indian continent , brown and yellow . Unlike chlorine and calcium carbonate where you get only one kind of texture , paints allow a broader variety of texture . Choose from glossy , matte , patterned and multi-color . Want to be a redneck ? add some red paint in the neck and the cheeks and chin and almost everywhere . Plus painting allows the option of having multi color posters on your body . Become Ronny Coleman by simply painting big muscles and the bollywood six pack on yourself ( Note: Ronny Coleman is brown ) . Top off the the body paint with some reflective coating to keep yourself cool in summer . For some extra cost , Asian paints will even paint your body with mickey mouse themed colors and designs ( thats right , you rulezzz ma man ) .

If you are a shut-in guy who never likes to get out of the house or a facebook ka baap ( you are if you upload 20000 pics of yourself sporting cheap sunglasses and have each part of your anatomy tagged and liked by 400 people ) then here is an even simpler idea .Take a 50 rs ,200 Megapixel camera . Shoot a picture of yourself naked in front of a white wall . Load it into your Core 7 Duo computer. Open the image in a image editor and invert colors . Bingo the wall becomes black and you white . Upload it in facebook and tag all your rockstar friends in it . And you have yourself a new white rapper /bollywood banger/whatever the fuck you are .

Harpic . The ultimate. Soak the yellow muck of your turd soaked toilet for 20 min with this blue wonder and flush . Presto!! sparkling clean white toiler . Same applies to you . Take a paper and apply a copious amount of harpic over it and cover your face with it . Lie still for 20 min and wash it off with some lizol .
For added clear skin effect use some dettol .

If any of the above products have proved effective in your quest for fairness , be caring and share this article with your friends . Brownness is a serious contagious disease that passes through generations . These products are not only effective , they are also CHEAP , a crucial characteristic in the face of ever rising inflation of food prices . A small step like mailing this article will go a long way in abolishing the brown color from our country forever,freeing us from oppression and allowing us to achieve our full potential of being a superpower .

Sunday, November 13, 2011

For the love of action

Huge explosions , Constant rattling of gas operated rifles , the cacophony of 50 cals and 7.62 mm NATO rounds. They never cease to hold my attention . Desert Eagles , more suitable for killing Bisons than Humans ooze machismo and attitude . So addictive , that when I browse sites for information on weapons and ordinance , my mom becomes melodramatic and wonders if I will become a terrorist ( me , a glass wearing nerd sitting inside the house browsing the internet ! )

The more movies I see , the more I wonder at the sheer stupidity of FPS'es and action movies .You find the hero ( in games its you ) shooting down millions of pixels with sheer excitement . Stallone and Arnie shoot from unimaginable distances with hand cannons ( read desert eagles ) and perform physics defying stunts that would put black holes to shame. While Arnie shoots from the hip with a Minigun ( so called because its much smaller than its parent the 20mm M61 Vulcan used in aircraft) , Stallone drives a tank into a modified Aerospatiale SA 330 Puma ( read Hollywood style Soviet Croc ) creating a 20 gigaton blast , only to survive the explosion . His Rambo-ian feats are legendary surpassed only by Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee .
Arnie on the other hand is a Hercules . He rides horses onto rooftops , drives the Naval ( yes I did spell it right)Harriers , and shoots at the forehead from 100 m .To top it all is Vin Diesel , who can make a bare engine run at 200 mph . And of course , no one can forget Rajini ( and if I did I am no human at all ) the world hero . Catching bullets in a glass of juice , playing catch and catch with grenades , Shooting across the world from the Wild west to the dry districts of TamilNadu.You name it, he has done it . Heck when he got bored he even created a new web and renamed google to google.rajinikanth.com . Not even Amitabh can come close . ( Notice that I make no mention of SRK , Akshay Kumar or Salman Khan . They are nothing more than little boys, whose occupation especially the latter , is nothing more than tearing up shirts in silly fights. Rajini doesnt even soil his white dhoti . )

With the heyday of the 80's action long gone , many thought that the days of awesome action is over . Not anymore fellas , you have a lifesaver : Call of Duty , the most unrealistic shooter ever created . Not only does one survive .50 cal hits , one can even re generate health and never lose a muscle or bone . And to make it all the more unrealistic is the animated sequences shown in between the game , making it more of a personal Rambo V than a combat game . COD aint the first . That credit belongs to classics like Quake , Doom and the master of the masculine gender : Duke Nukem 3D.

With so much stupidity why does one waste hours to catch the latest action flick or get caught up in an online deathmatch for hours together ?? ?
Simple answer : fun and the adrenaline surge.

Most guys will agree with me . There is an urge in all of us , to do something bad ass and huge . The adrenaline surge of watching an action movie , takes us to a place where we fell 100 men with bare hands, a feeling of power when holding a rifle ( though in most cases it will be nothing more than mouse or a game console controller) . Indeed , from the sales of FPS video games ,action figures and the sheer multitude of online gaming servers , this is universally evident .
You wont find any self respecting guy playing SIMS 3 or cake mania . They prefer being caught red-handed kicking a puppy.With so much adrenaline to suppress no wonder we love the sheer sound of a plastic explosive .
Excuse me now , for it is time for my session of UrbanTerror online .