From Brown to White : A cheapskate's guide

Tired of your brown skin ? Want to get fair quickly , easily and more importantly , CHEAPLY ?

This is an option hardly addressed by many cosmetic companies . While most of them are aware of this country's obsession with fairness ( except the government ) hardly few understand the cravings on an Indian to save as much money as he can . However luckily for them the need to become fair is a more powerful pull than the needs to save money thanks to high disposable incomes and globalization . With foreign brands like Chanel , L'Oreal ,Christian Dior etc . available in India pretty soon the brown will be forever abolished from the face of India to be replaced by pure milky silky costly white .The UPA government is said to discussing a plan to offer more subsidies on cosmetics to people ,cutting back on organic farming and solar power harvesting to eradicate this nation-wide disease .

Until such plans are implemented your options for cheap fairness are quite limited .

Step Right in . You have come to the right place . Below are some of the cheapest products I have known that will enhance your non-existent fairness in no time . A few are household items that wont even increase your current budget by a single penny .

Calcium Carbonate . This piece of cosmetic is a beauty . It is found in large quantities in talcum powders .Even building are made fair using this stuff .Think about it man ..... What is the secret of the house that stands out in the sun without getting tanned in years ? And this stuff is literally dirt cheap . And best of all is that if it is winter , this warms up your skin without the need of any artificial heaters , further bringing down the costs . And yeah , its completely maintenance free. Paint yourself once and forget the need to ever visit the beauty parlor for years . Even the Caucasians would envy you .

Chlorine. If calcium carbonate is not your style ,then step up to chlorine . The most widely used bleaching agent . If you are not convinced , let me give you an example . Trees are brown ( just as you skin) in color . yet the paper produced from them are snow-white . Why ? Chlorine . Chlorine is used to bleach wood pulp to produce WHITE paper . Your skin is softer than wood pulp making it easier to bleach you white . Chlorine is anti-bacterial and can effectively kill the microbes that cause pimples and other skin problems effectively cleansing your skin .

( Note : As chlorine is a carcinogen , you can even die quickly , without having to worry about growing old or worrying about future expenses. )

Asian Paints . Ironically , this paint aims to eradicate the color of the Indian continent , brown and yellow . Unlike chlorine and calcium carbonate where you get only one kind of texture , paints allow a broader variety of texture . Choose from glossy , matte , patterned and multi-color . Want to be a redneck ? add some red paint in the neck and the cheeks and chin and almost everywhere . Plus painting allows the option of having multi color posters on your body . Become Ronny Coleman by simply painting big muscles and the bollywood six pack on yourself ( Note: Ronny Coleman is brown ) . Top off the the body paint with some reflective coating to keep yourself cool in summer . For some extra cost , Asian paints will even paint your body with mickey mouse themed colors and designs ( thats right , you rulezzz ma man ) .

If you are a shut-in guy who never likes to get out of the house or a facebook ka baap ( you are if you upload 20000 pics of yourself sporting cheap sunglasses and have each part of your anatomy tagged and liked by 400 people ) then here is an even simpler idea .Take a 50 rs ,200 Megapixel camera . Shoot a picture of yourself naked in front of a white wall . Load it into your Core 7 Duo computer. Open the image in a image editor and invert colors . Bingo the wall becomes black and you white . Upload it in facebook and tag all your rockstar friends in it . And you have yourself a new white rapper /bollywood banger/whatever the fuck you are .

Harpic . The ultimate. Soak the yellow muck of your turd soaked toilet for 20 min with this blue wonder and flush . Presto!! sparkling clean white toiler . Same applies to you . Take a paper and apply a copious amount of harpic over it and cover your face with it . Lie still for 20 min and wash it off with some lizol .

For added clear skin effect use some dettol .

If any of the above products have proved effective in your quest for fairness , be caring and share this article with your friends . Brownness is a serious contagious disease that passes through generations . These products are not only effective , they are also CHEAP , a crucial characteristic in the face of ever rising inflation of food prices . A small step like mailing this article will go a long way in abolishing the brown color from our country forever,freeing us from oppression and allowing us to achieve our full potential of being a superpower .

For the love of action

Huge explosions , Constant rattling of gas operated rifles , the cacophony of 50 cals and 7.62 mm NATO rounds. They never cease to hold my attention . Desert Eagles , more suitable for killing Bisons than Humans ooze machismo and attitude . So addictive , that when I browse sites for information on weapons and ordinance , my mom becomes melodramatic and wonders if I will become a terrorist ( me , a glass wearing nerd sitting inside the house browsing the internet ! )

The more movies I see , the more I wonder at the sheer stupidity of FPS'es and action movies .You find the hero ( in games its you ) shooting down millions of pixels with sheer excitement . Stallone and Arnie shoot from unimaginable distances with hand cannons ( read desert eagles ) and perform physics defying stunts that would put black holes to shame. While Arnie shoots from the hip with a Minigun ( so called because its much smaller than its parent the 20mm M61 Vulcan used in aircraft) , Stallone drives a tank into a modified Aerospatiale SA 330 Puma ( read Hollywood style Soviet Croc ) creating a 20 gigaton blast , only to survive the explosion . His Rambo-ian feats are legendary surpassed only by Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee .

Arnie on the other hand is a Hercules . He rides horses onto rooftops , drives the Naval ( yes I did spell it right)Harriers , and shoots at the forehead from 100 m .To top it all is Vin Diesel , who can make a bare engine run at 200 mph . And of course , no one can forget Rajini ( and if I did I am no human at all ) the world hero . Catching bullets in a glass of juice , playing catch and catch with grenades , Shooting across the world from the Wild west to the dry districts of TamilNadu.You name it, he has done it . Heck when he got bored he even created a new web and renamed google to google.rajinikanth.com . Not even Amitabh can come close . ( Notice that I make no mention of SRK , Akshay Kumar or Salman Khan . They are nothing more than little boys, whose occupation especially the latter , is nothing more than tearing up shirts in silly fights. Rajini doesnt even soil his white dhoti . )

With the heyday of the 80's action long gone , many thought that the days of awesome action is over . Not anymore fellas , you have a lifesaver : Call of Duty , the most unrealistic shooter ever created . Not only does one survive .50 cal hits , one can even re generate health and never lose a muscle or bone . And to make it all the more unrealistic is the animated sequences shown in between the game , making it more of a personal Rambo V than a combat game . COD aint the first . That credit belongs to classics like Quake , Doom and the master of the masculine gender : Duke Nukem 3D.

With so much stupidity why does one waste hours to catch the latest action flick or get caught up in an online deathmatch for hours together ?? ?

Simple answer : fun and the adrenaline surge.

Most guys will agree with me . There is an urge in all of us , to do something bad ass and huge . The adrenaline surge of watching an action movie , takes us to a place where we fell 100 men with bare hands, a feeling of power when holding a rifle ( though in most cases it will be nothing more than mouse or a game console controller) . Indeed , from the sales of FPS video games ,action figures and the sheer multitude of online gaming servers , this is universally evident .

You wont find any self respecting guy playing SIMS 3 or cake mania . They prefer being caught red-handed kicking a puppy.With so much adrenaline to suppress no wonder we love the sheer sound of a plastic explosive .

Excuse me now , for it is time for my session of UrbanTerror online .

Circus of Insanity

Somebody makes a mistake. Maybe the thief hasnt hid his track well enough . The businessman hasnt covered his affair well . The celebrity's escapades are not clandestine . A politician got caught in a sting operation . Everytime , regardless of the situation one huge organization goes crazy , dragging along millions of people with it , the media .

Knee-jerk reactions , instaneous decisions , melodrama , shouting , expert opinions characterize the famous masala industry of this country . Unknown people from all walks of life get to face demaaanding questions , experts of all subjects from poop-cleaning to economics face the glaring studio lights ; live reports are generated by reporters instantly signing off with a "for xxxxy channel , yyzz"(thats the only thing I can hear and understand clearly in the whole 10 minutes in which they speak non-stop).

The news channels never seem to let go of the world headlines : everything makes the headlines. From the 2g scam to the decision by the press on not to publicize the bachchan's expected scion's birth .

The television media has mistakenly taken itself too seriously . From doing dignified coverage of scoops and stories , it has moved on to a style that resembles more of a saas-bahu television namely that of shock and FUD . Reporters and people shout in the studios in the name of debates . Suits with a heavy Indian accent report you the breaking news with the same 10 sec clip shown for hours .Ladies call up unknown experts asking questions and refusing answers , pretending to know something about what they are talking .

This gets worse when a homicide case is covered . The 2008 Noida double murder case is a shining example of the media's insensitivity. Not only did they disregard the privacy of the family , the entire circus roamed around the house , which might have destroyed much needed evidence , pretending to be forensic experts and giving judgements on the outcome of the case .

What amazes me is their stubborn refusal to mend their ways and their determination in not letting any thoughts or criticism get through their heads .Its like getting a new idea is like catching HIV and therefore unhealthy at all costs.

While there are some good examples , the number and the occasions in which they are displayed are too few . Also lacking from the media is a lack of critcism . Barkha Dutt has no doubt earned the ire of many a blogger for forcing a blogger to take down his article which was downright against his constitutional rights. May the stupidity of the Indian media never cease .

Being nothing more than aam aadmi , we can do nothing but watch in despair as entertainment and news becomes one , how anything and everything is blown out of proportions just to get a goddamned number called TRP to increase, how insensitivity means more profit and less privacy means more viewers. An action against this would no doubt be derided again as an attack on freedom of speech despite the fact that freedom will be attained only when these speeches finally end .

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=274157389295693&set=a.186191641425602.43044.171995166178583&type=1&theater

Dennis Ritchie co-creator of C and Unix dies at 70

Dennis Ritchie co-creator of C and Unix died at the age of 70 . Compared to the media hullabaloo and deityfing of a marketing man a week ago whose most significant contribution was a one mouse button and a device that sucked people's money and freedom , Ritchie's contribution to the world included C a language that can be said as the most important development since the Turing Machine in my opinion. C was not only a language , it was philosophy , a way to deal with problems and a beautiful way to tackle them . the Unix OS had the same principles which lead to its widespread adoption as the OS on which the internet was built and whose successors Linux and BSD still pave the way for development and innovation . Ritchie will be deeply missed by the programmer and hacker community and by a guy like me who discovered a gem that taught him what it means to write beautiful programs called The C Programming Language , 2nd Edition.

The Stereotypical Textbook

A few posts ago , I wrote about the stereotypical villain. I mentioned the appearance , characteristics and personality of such a person( if it exists). However , I believe that it is time I bring to your attention the character of a much more personal , dangerous villain we encounter in our day to day life who literally makes us pull our hair out with frustration.

They are textbooks.

Myth says there there was nary a man who had opened a textbook without the faintest bit of fear , apprehension. When one opens it , even the warmest of volcanoes turn cold . Water freezes at room temperature and people tend to Urinate the hardest.
What makes textbooks so morbid and ominous ?

1) same as the villain ... Bad Appearance.
Lets take magazines . Colorful. Glossy.Full of half-naked women with voluptuous bosoms. Cheap ? Yes. Sell like hot cakes. Sold everywhere . Popular too .Size Zero ?? You bet.
Textbooks . Cheap ? You bet. i spend more money in buying textbooks than in paying fees for the exam where i put the content of those books to use .
Colorful.Yes its so choke full of gray, black and white I get reminded of my Grandpa everytime I open it .Occasionally some textbook has a dual-color or a gradient color , prompting orgasms from book worms all over the place.

Full of half-naked women with voluptuous bosoms ?? I dont think such kind of women are inclined to read why heap sort is preferred over bubble sort.

Sells like hot cakes ? Unfortunately , with a gazillion students graduating every year ,textbooks are in great demand to memorize and vomit tonnes of shit into answer papers, prompting black market sales and robbery of the libraries.

Size Zero ?? more like Madame Dinosaur who became depressed after her 15th marriage ended in divorce . Big , fat and weighing atleast 150 kilos . And that's only Part 1.

2) False Promises and assurances .
The greatest textbooks start with the following sentences.
" This book will offer you a gentle introduction into the contents ....."
" By the time you finish this book , you know what hell feels like..... "
"The language is very easy , the text concise so that monkeys like you know better than to buy a book like this "

This so reminds me of politicians and mega-villains
" I will kill the bloody hero and wash my leg with his blood "
" He will die for his arrogance and opposition" .... " I will make an example out of him""

Lies will take you nowhere . Be honest and remove that bloody preface . Atleast it will help us save a couple of bucks and 500 grams of weight.

3) Cost. for the price of a textbook , you can buy three Lamborghinis and a fit it with a nitrous kit and still have enough cash leftover to go on a trip to mars and back.
Knowledge is wealth . Plain trash made from the english alphabet is even more expensive .

4) Uselessness.
Just like villains they are just empty words. At the last minute you desperately try using your book , demanding it , pleading with it show some enlightenment .Hopeless. You will still get trashed by your opponent .


Enough of the Cynicism . What can be textbooks used for ?

Textbooks are extremely useful as weapons of mass destruction . A 1000 of them when dropped over a city can do as much damage as 10 kiloton nuke.
Textbooks are also the source of a contagious disease called Twilightophiliosis where people get hallucinations of being consorts of vampires and start drinking diluted Nerolac paint .

Old textbooks are a very dangerous source of radiation, causing sever long term effects among users and other people who come in contact with them . Always be wary of such items when you go into an old book shop.The movie Resident Evil is said to have been inspired by such an infection of ten people in an old college .

Indeed with the recent turn of events , factions of al-Qaeda and Hizbul-Mujahideen have dropped their plans on acquiring nukes and have started collecting textbooks of the Anna University and are planning to detonate it in metropolitan cities across the world . They are so dangerous that most of the terrorist who have come in contact with them are said to be suffering from terminal cancer and will commit the detonation as the last act of their life before going on meet their god.

We can conclude that unlike filmy villains , textbooks arent that useless. The easiest way to get into the Forbes 500 is make a contract with Colleges in Tamilnadu and start supplying textbooks to students.Banks are in talks with each other to delve into the prospect of offering book loans to students in lieu of their brains and kidneys . Or else if you are the taking action into hands kind who hates the world , you can make your own book bomb and drop it all over the country .

Remember , with great power comes great responsibility .

Friggin Exams

Due to impending exams , I have to spend time reading pointless stuff that would make even Dr.Sheldon Cooper vomit at the sheer amount of blasphemy.So I will be quite a break before I resume writing stuff again . Fear not , for the last bastion of freedom isnt destroyed yet. Its just taken a pee break . Enjoy your time and read better ones to stave off boredom.

A classification of music genres and fans

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Heights of Insanity

You know when you are crazy when


1.) Wake until 2 in the morning and then go into the kitchen to make a bowl of hot soup .
2.) Turn on all the fans when it is freezing and then sleep without a shirt just for the sake of feeling the raw  chillness.
3.)Walk all the way from R.S Puram to Gandhipuram via Townhall and back to R.S Puram at 
   4 in the evening  just because you are bored at home .
4.)Play 4 hours of Counter-Strike right before the day of the exam to keep away the guilty-consciousness that  washes over you when you dont want to study.
5.)Read a 500 page book cover-to-cover in 2 days when sitting in front of the teacher in the lab.
6.)Go out of the house at 10 PM to get a bar of candy
7.)Go to the library and read page no 150 of Advanced Quantum Physics despite majoring
     in software engineering.
8.)Chatting with 5 people simultaneously , 2 on facebook , 2 on gmail and screaming at your Mom live.
9.)Drinking the mil right out of the packet without boiling or pouring it in a Tumbler just because it saves you 30 secs despite  you waking up 30 min late.
10.)Doing math to calculate the Dot pixels per inch of your computer screen while walking down the street.
11.)Reading newspapers sitting near a windows in the bus, so as to not miss the editorial before dad reads it .
12.)Trying to memorize value of Pi upto 20 digits.
13.)Trying to index your notes by using a hybrid system of Letters and date of when you wrote them.
14.)Holind your laptop upside down in the bed to get better colors off the screen while watching a movie.
15.)Carefully rolling up the Wireless Router in a soft cloth while taking it from your bedroom to the Hall.




Am I alone or are there ones crazier ?? Share your experiences with me

Looking beyond the Anna Haz(ar)e

An declaration before i proceed. I am no expert in economics or politics. I write what my facebook-addicted , FPS crazy mind thinks. And this blog post is an expression of my thoughts and views .

While the nation is embroiled in the great Lokpal issue, and crowds throng the streets supporting Anna , instead of visiting the malls , posing for photographs , one gets the feelings that we are undergoing a major change . the post Lokpal issue India will be a better one , a better one for Indians , free of corruption and a superpower in 2020.
When i read such words i am filled with amusement . superpower in 2020 ?? sure why not , with all the current crop of players trained in the IPL , why wont we be ?
If you are mention the year , then my dear man please dont kid yourself . Tell me what it means by a superpower ?? Do you have any idea of the difference in development between us and the biggest kid next door ? Do you have any idea of what economics is ?

We are kidding ourselves with these thoughts . The lokpal bill introduced by the government was a joke on the citizens. You couldnt investigate half of the parliament ? No direct action possible , only suggestions or recommendations . Want to help whistleblowers ?? Out of luck . Want to impeach the Prime Minister on a swiss trip when a building at an Olympics event collapses ?? Dead End mate .

And to top it all there are these youngsters and 30's guys , holding candle to support the movement against corruption . Arses , do you really think that would help ? Do you wear a helmet before jumping onto the 60 kmph rocket of yours ? DO you pay your taxes instead of cheating your income statement ? Ever donated money for a cause ??

Reformation is not a quick easy process.Its unlike downloading the latest movies. We need a fundamental change in the society. Our traditional values will not take us any further.Respect has been mistaken for subservience .
No longer segregation of castes and reservation applies.Do a quick calculation and tell me how many developed countries have 27 % living space for a certain section of the people .

Our country is weighed down by its dumbshit bureaucracy. Freedom of expression is guaranteed as long as it does not conflict with the nation's interest. Does it mean that i cannot complain about bumpy roads 'cause it might point to a massive trail of bribery and fraudulent dealings ?? And does the interest of the government change every 5 years ??

What people are good at is forgetting things. a year from now , all thoughts of the jan lokpal bill will be forgotten when karan johar shoots his next film with SRK on the moon. People will talk instead of how bollywood is conquering the solar system.
You will not remember the oath you took against corruption. When your circumstances force you , you will bribe the guy at the office to make your house purchase quick and easy. You will evade tax and show fraudulent income just because you can save a buck in your miserly life . If this isnt going to change then even in 202020 India will remain a trash can.No one can think for his/her own. where did all this civic sense and national pride go before anna hazare started a fast at jantar mantar ?? too chickened out ? Remember that we shared a gene pool with sheeps 100 million years ago , not now . You have a 1.6 kg organ called brain that consumes 25% of what your breath all the time .Use it .

All this is not a bad thing. We need to think of what our actions will achieve. In terms of what will be the consequences after decades.By concentrating on the final results that the agitation will bear.Simply holding up a placard when everyone shouts will not change your country.Wearing tricolor t shirts shows you only consider stuff when it is cool, not that you are actually interested in it.All the patriotism must not come out only on 14th August 8:00 PM and definitely not in terms of facebook pictures, tags and status updates.

So fellow citizens, you may dismiss this ranting of a lonely nerd sitting in his home and blogging through his PC. Or you try finding some part of what he says that makes sense to you and opens your eyes towards the mountains of reason. The choice is yours. use it well ..... May the force be with us

The stereotypic villain

As i see it , villains are more important than the heroes. You can make any douche bag act as a hero. All he needs to do is maintain shiny white teeth so as to give a big smile everytime somebody points a camera at him. He need not worry about girls cause you know , girls in the movie have to tendency to fall in love with him instantly due to his actions like say, pissing on a tree to add urea to it or helping an old lady cross the road < the first thing we learn in the Boy Scouts>. He is well respected by his families or by his friends or both . That guy is cool , oozes attitude , is the apple of the masses and is just about perfect with the exclusion of having brains . Though there are exceptions to this character as in some movies where they portray a real life person , this is the usual hero.

No words have to be said about the heroine. She is as white as a freshly white-washed house, has perky tits and kilograms of lipsticks,wears skimpy clothes and goes out on trips to Goa everytime the hero smiles at her.

Why do many films with such perfect lead characters fail at the box office as well as with movie goers ??
The reason is the Villains .

Everybody loves a challenge. You have a basic urge in you to show others and yourself that you have talent. That you are capable of doing something , achieve a goal. Its mentally exciting and nice to use your physique or brains once in a while.
But when your opponent uses none, the victory over him doesnt excite you . It makes you feel like " god why do i have to fight with such a weakling ?? " This is the case with most of the villains. Their characters just dont challenge the audience or the hero in the movie.
Take the case of Heath Ledger . The dark knight was successful because the joker was a formidable villain. he did not physically fight the batman. He relied on fear , extortion and blackmail to achieve his cause. He never brashly called out to the hero. HE PLANNED his actions and made the police move in the way he wanted to . That is a challenge . It is unique and makes you wanna respect that guy and fear him .
In the case of Stereotypic villains lets see what they have to offer

1) Bad Appearance. The villain is dirty . He is very tall and big in most of the cases. wears kilograms of gold . Dressed in a crumpled Shirt and pants. Looks scary .
Nobody is going to like such a person. Look at the hero. He dresses up fantastically. He wears branded jeans , studs and expensive sunglasses everytime he goes out. The younger ones even wash their faces with creams and apply a profuse amount of deodrant with chocolate to attract chicks . If someone sees you both on the same stage who are they gonna run to ?? You ?? You the guy dressed like a pig thats been rolling in the mud for 40 hours straight ?? Probably not . Go to a shop . Get a pair of good threads . Take bath atleast thrice a week. and cut that long hair of yours and have some spikes .

2) A gang of hooligans . Villains are always surrounded by hooligans bigger than him. yet that guy is the man behind them all . He is their leader. Mr.Villain, aren't you man enough ? aren't you ashamed that while so many guard you , the hero comes alone and whoops all of their asses including yours. Do you need so many men with big knives and sticks ? Wouldnt two of them with a couple of machines guns suffice ? cant you look after yourself ? Shame on you Mr.Villain . Learn from the hero that bravery is essential. No matter if you have 100 goons , they are all going to rush at your enemy one at a time . and still get whooped with bare hands.

3) A tendency to assault girls . This is a turn off. No girl will like you if you force them to have a good time with you . Girls are pretty fragile . They have to handled with care , given gifts and cuddled with . You have to take your time with them and play with them in parks and pubs. You need to shower them with teddybears and hugs for them to love you . The hero goes through so much pain and suffering , even getting shot in the ass by you to make a women fall for him. He has to smile beyond all that botox on his face. You on the other hand simply kidnap her and force her on the bed. You push and pull her and beat her up. Think thats going to improve your TRP ? never .

4) Killing the heroes family . That is definitely not an option . You wanna piss the hero off ? Make the police uncle of his chase you ?? make the court punish you ?? Then dont do it . Your fight is with the hero. Not with his 50 year old mom or his 60 year old dad.

5)Long Loud dialogues. I pay money to watch your guys flex muscles at each other. Throw 50 kg barrels at each other. Dodge bullets . Put Arnold Schwarzenegger to shame . I dont have time for your bravado and false promises on killing the hero . Get on with it and start fighting .

6) Losing Everytime. Winning is not an option . No matter even if you are the CM . You will lose. Doesnt matter if you have 4000 people behind you . You will lose . Shooting the hero with an Ak-47 ?? Still failure. Forget fighting . Give up. Maybe you will survive to act in the next movie.


Ultimately Mr.Villain your condition in the world of cinema is pathetic. No matter how big , bad or ugly you are , you will lose in the climax to the all knowing , loved and respected hero . He is THE GUY. There is no one else. Your goons wont help you .You cannot get the heroine to love you . So stop trying to win. Find some other way. Turn a comedian . You probably have a better chance of getting hooked up with the heroine's best friend or her sister. Seriously thats the only way you can expect to create your future generation. Or turn rational and find better ways to attack the hero. Use your brain .

A sincere request from a pissed off villain-fan.

How to survive Engineering Colleges in TamilNadu for knowledge seeking honest students

WARNING : This guide does not offer any guarantee that the underlying methods will work successfully . All the below mentioned techniques are to performed only at the risk of the practitioner . Possible damages might include permanent brain damage , a loss of morality and the reasons for classifying self as a human-being. I am in no way responsible for the effects or aftermaths after following the guide.


Advice 1:
Wear full arm shirts , Cotton Pants , Leather shoes and belt . Look as tidy as you can.Oil and comb the hair and wear glasses even if you have perfect vision.

Advice 2:
Never question the staff . Each and every word spoken by them is 24 Carat Gold. Catch them in a bowl if you can. Write them down in 5 inks . Cherish those words like the memories of your mothers hugs.

Advice 3:
Questioning makes you dumb . You question a person's authority by asking doubts.Never make that fatal error. If done punishments may include arrears, low marks,dismissal from class, a loss of attendance and some public humiliation.

Advice 4:
Never think beyond what is asked for . That is a sign of arrogance . It makes you seem as if you have a pumpkin for a head . It shows that you are a show-off intending to illuminate people with knowledge. Under tradition it is illegal and is a serious offense .

Advice 5:
In case you are asked a question, never answer back . Its called "Back answering" .Wikipedia defines it as the wrong answer given when a question is asked where the correct and the only answer is a profuse apology and possibly tears. Again it is a display of arrogance and haughtiness.So never make that mistake . Remain mum and nod your head like a Doll.

Advice 6:
It is impolite to discuss subject matters in class. They want perfect silence . Even if it meas doing nothing.People will no tolerate if you discuss algorithms in the class.You can scribble on the paper , sleep with eyes open yet still cant discuss stuff inside the class.Discussion is a way of propogation of knowledge which is against the fundamental ethos of an engineering college.

Advice 7:
Praise the teachers. Teachers are next to parents in the hierarchy of worship. They never make mistakes and are perfect in just about everything.It is a sin even to think wrong about them.They strive every second for your betterment and your betterment only . They sacrificed a life and their morality for the sake of students and each of them deserve a temple to be built .They are not to made fun of or abused.They can impose their will on just about anything and we are all humble,willing servants of them.

Advice 8:
Back-Stab friends.Its okay.Nothing Big.You come to a college to gain marks and get place in a Big company like TCS,infosys,Wipro etc.With a 9+ in every semester you are awesome and demi-god like.Submit assignments ahead of schedule , steal programs and modify stuff to get ahead of others.Convince the teacher you are the only real human-being in the class.Others are barely Sentinel.College is where you show your people manipulation and Begging skills.Cry for marks , beg and steal.

Advice 9:
Dont waste time in labs.The only serve to increase your practical knowledge.Instead concentrate on rote theory.never worry about implementation.Just knowing stuff like that exists is more than enough.The honorable staff's limit of teaching is the holy grail.Anything beyond it is forbidden.Lab sessions distract you from mugging up the next 10000 pages of your textbooks.They help you find out how to cope with real life problems that can be dangerous.For your health's sake never learn them.They are Satanic.

Advice 10:
Carry a letter always.Just about anything requires an apology.Including your existence.You need an apology just to get into the college. And one to go to the toilet .

Advice 11:
Last but not the least.Exams.Carry 10 colour pens. and a glitter pen . and a fancy ruler.Underline Commas,periods and hyphens.Never write anything useful.Write only in paragraphs and not points.Draw mickey mouse cartoons where you feel there is a blank space.
Use the following color scheme:
Title --- Black
Sub Title --- Green
Bulleting --- Pink
Underline --- Cyan
border --- Yellow
Diagrams --- Gray or Orange.
Actual content maybe written in blue or left blank. it is the least important of all steps.

Along With these 11 commandments enter the college with just a single thought in the mind :"Its a temple . Learn to respect it and obey without questioning . Its the pathway to heaven and what lies beyond it in the textbook ;Page no:127"

Tech Advice

There are a few things i just done understand with marketing . You sell stuff . When it comes to tech stuff , face it , guys like me follow the market and products and technology like a lion stalking deers . We literally have orgasms when we buy a gadget or a computer / peripheral . Its a religion . We have Flame Wars , fan boy fights and online parades to show our love for gadgets . Seriously , now that maintaing a girlfriend is very expensive most of us have spent more time cuddling our laptops and gadgets than the time spent with our mothers . We live and breathe Silicon .

Seriously why the heck would you salesman brag about technology in front of us ?
Dont get me wrong . I am NOT arrogant of my knowledge . I do not know everything . But you dont understand it completely . Buying a laptop is like choosing a wife. you gotta love her , pamper her , get work done by her , make her happy so that you can lead a comfortable life .

I want my laptop to be mine . I dont care if it has 4 GBBEEE RAM . I know it, thats why i purchase one from you . I know it has 1 GB graphics card . So does DELL , SONY , Toshiba and others. What is its core clock , memory clock , shader clock ?? Do you have any idea ?

I do . let me tell you what i need for i am the customer and know the tech specs involved . all you name is the price and perks i might get . Why do you have to lose your honour in front of me ? Seriously , most of you cannot even spell Radeon
correctly . You tell me it runs at 1333 MHZ as advertised and i ask you what its CAS latency and operating Voltage is . Have an answer for that ? probably not

This is much more of a pain in the ass if you wanna buy assembled desktops .
Core i7 2600K ??
Sir the core i5 is a lot cheaper and better sir , it also has turbo core and hyperthreading .
So has all Intel Processors released since circa 2008. I need an i7 . Do you have one ?
I need a Gigabyte x58-ud3h
"Sir there is no board like that ."
Ass hole tell me you dont have one .
Do you have the sapphire 6850 Graphics card ?
first question : is it 512 MB or 1 GB graphic card sir ??
1 GB
"sir i have a 8600 GT < circa 2006 > graphics 1 GB that is awesome . its super fast."
What part of a gpu runs on a graphic processor and not on memory dont you understand ?

Seriously the next time i come in , listen to me and get me WHAT I NEED . for the guy in blue jeans with studs and an IPod , give him suggestions .
I still rock old school speakers and know what gadget i want .

Transformers 3 - The role model of all mind-blowing entertainers

Recently i have been lamenting quite a bit about the state of movies on my facebook . The last few films i have been to really didnt make a cut and were mildly interesting. I expected nothing better in Transformers . After Transformers 2 i thought there was nothing much left in the Transformers Universe to get excited about .

Boy was i wrong .

Transformers 3 is everything an action packed entertainer is . Dont expect fantastic plots or serious acting . Tr 3 is for blowing your minds out with SLO-MO action scenes . And by slow motion i mean REAL slow motion . The film looks like its been shot in a planet with 4 million G . Time slows down so much that you can probably see a mosquito take a leak . It has the perfect ingredients Love , hate , jealousy , comedy ,action , sentiment , desperation , hope , betrayal . Never before in recent times has a melange of emotions portrayed so well on a screenplay . Megan Fox's absence hasnt proved to be a damper and i would go as far as to say that it has actually increased the films appeal as it doesnt have to rely on skinshow to sell itself .

Visuals : The one that is worth watching for . Trs 3 comes a very close second and in some place exceeds Avatar. Not only is the 3d good , the scenes are stunning.
You dont get the feeling you are watching Earth . Its a mixture of Inception , True Lies , Terminator and many other Apocalyptic post war/plague movies .At one scene , Shia jumps onto a flying plane that shoots down the villains to save his heroine , just like Arnold Schwarzengger does in True Lies .

Though the second half feels dragged sometimes , it never distracts you as you are not made to watch nonsense off-topic scenes . The final battle goes on for an hour ; the way IT IS MEANT to be . Optimus Prime acts as a saviour , appearing at the right time to save the hero : Sam Archibald Witwicky . It is not Prime's movie . Sam is the real hero . LaBeouf has done a fantastic job and has made his fans happy with his performance .John Turturro has really saved the film with his more than minor role in the movie .
Rosie Huntington Whiteley is definitely an improvement over Megan Fox. She has the skills than just the skin .

The plot is thin. The characters arent strong and the acting isnt perfect. You wont find that worrying you . You will be immersed in the films beauty, those beautiful locales , THE STUNNING GRAPHICS and the awesome action . It reminds you why action movies are still the greatest blockbusters in the world and why the sound of guns and roar of engines still pump adrenaline in the heart of action fans.

Kudos to Michael Bay and the team for making a legendary movie . The role model of all action movies there ever will be .

Autobots Roll out and watch it in theater . its worth the wait .Forget such a things as Transformers 2 ever existed . That was for nOObs . This is for the real hot blood in you .

Green Loontern

Ever been to a movie and feel like walking out and trashing the director yet couldn't cause you spent a buckload for the ticket just because of the 3D moniker ?? Green Loontern would perfectly fit the bill in this case . Honestly after watching tons of Vijaykanth and Vijay movies sink at the box office i thought no one else would release movies with zero imagination , plot or acting skills. But fear not , now Hollywood joins the legion of stupid film makers . An occasional spiderman or Harry Potter can be tolerated . Green Loontern takes the loyalty of comic book fan base to the extreme and shreds apart the story. Kiilowog , Sinestro all could have played a fantastic role .Killowog was the epitome of monstrosity and coolness. Sinestro, with his ability and character could have been given a better role where he becomes the villain at least helping create a base for a sequel . Do they use it to their advantage ? No . Heck , its easier for then to have a single hero , an arrogant machoistic guy , give him powers he doesnt know how to use , give an inspirational speech and saves the day at the end with the girlfriend in one hand and the villain at his feet. Surely an evil power capable of devouring planets in minutes could survive the heat of a sun AND defeat a single green lantern . Instead he bowls over like a twig in a Hurricane . The heroine is safe and sound and Oa is totally undamaged . Give me a break . Not even cheesy one liners can save the movie.

I am superhero sci-fi movie freak . I love superhero movies and after a taste of Nolan's dark knight movies every other superhero seems comical on-screen like a joker .Granted not all movies have a story as complex as batman's and not all directors capable of twisting the mind like Nolan , but still they could have just made something different .

At then end what might have been a fun , cool movie just fizzles out . Not even the Green Lantern Corps could have saved this movie from certain doom . Next time you wanna kill a supervillain forget Low Orbit Ion cannons or laser rifles . A Blu-Ray of this movie will do that ten times over.

AMD's new graphics architecture

Ok this time this article is actually based on technology ,

AMD or advanced micro devices is making a major change to its Graphic processor (GPU) design . Gone are the days of pipeline stuff ILP instruction. This one makes it more similar to a set of parallel independent processing units (SIMD) if you prefer . Read about it here in the link below

http://www.anandtech.com/show/4455/amds-graphics-core-next-preview-amd-architects-for-compute

Note : what AMD have done here isnt revolutionary. Nvidia had changed their graphics architecture similar to this way back in 2009 called the "Fermi" architecture . Both of the companies have realised that moving away from VLIW and into SIMD processing is the future for a better balance of Gaming / Computational abilities

< again read the above mentioned article > . Its a bit of a drab , but for those really interested in all this stuff like hardware , parallel processing etc etc , it will be fun .

And for guys / girls wanting to know what Fermi is

http://techreport.com/articles.x/17815

again another excellent article.

Money is everything to an Indian

Currency , Coins, Gold . Three things that can corrupt any individual . especially ones in a country riddled with perpetual poverty . Like genetic characteristics , poverty runs across generations in India .You can classify people on how long they have been poor in India . So pathetic is the gap between the poor and rich that some of the lowliest lives are ready to sell their organs for a pittance , sacrificing his life for the filthy rich just to get a fill of his stomach .

What causes this ? The Indian money-minded mentality

Marriage alliances are not based on Love or understanding between the couple . The guys parents select the girl whose father is a rich man , is willing to give tonnes of gold in dowry and a car and a house and every god damned thing a guy is supposed to earn in his life for free .The girl must be preferably a single child so that her father would give up everything including his underwear for his son-in-law.

Even the girls are not Heavenly Angels either. They live off their boyfriends in college days ,eating at his expense , getting expensive gifts and changing boyfriends after burning through his pockets like napalm on paper . They then marry off a guy working in America or Europe , cause you know , there is more money to burn when you convert Dollars to Rupees .

The Indian Lust of Gold : Nobody loves golds better than Indians . Thats why you see women on advertisements wearing tonnes of gold jewelry costing lakhs . Who said India is a poor country ? Rob any one of these middle class aunties and you will have enough gold to live off happily for the next 20 years.Wherever you go you see models dressed with more gold than fabric . Akshaya Tritiya : The south Indian or whole Indian not sure festival where every goddamned husband / man / bachelor is screwed over by women for buying gold on that auspicious day .

what do you think God is you loggerheads ?? A goldmine you own ? to shower gold on you perpetually ?? Ever heard the story of Midas and his golden touch ?? remember what happened to him ?

The sky aint the Limit : I will eat until i fill the belly of the guy next to me :No one is sufficient with having enough . A taste of developed technology and comfort of the developed countries has left a deep desire in the Indian mind to enjoy them even at the expense of his fellow country men . The Karunanidhi family had enough money to buy Africa entirely lock , stock and barrel . yet they chose to rob the country of a chance to earn Billions through the auction of the 2g spectrum . And the Congress policy ? Bribe and let bribe . Rob the country blind and give me half . i will protect your ass irrespective of any atrocity and will even award you a Bharat Ratna for your historical exploits of the most pathetic nation-state.

Cowardice : face it . head to head we are not even cockroach crap against giants like China or US or Germany . Our actual incomes lies in the hands of guys and girls who sit in front of terminal with headphones in a placed called Bangalore . We cant fight of a single guy who has come from Pakistan to kill as many of us . We got our butts kicked by the Chinese when they did not even have a proper army or economy to feed themselves . We are the laughing stock the entire UN .

what do we do to hide the frustration ? Build better stuff and turn into a superpower ?? Nah. thats for hardworking people like the Japanese. We beat our fellow brethern , assault our sisters ,kill unborn kids , tear through the very social fabric of the country we live in for the name of Religion .

Ego : No way we would learn from smaller countries to manage poverty . I wont listen to the Americans either for my "CULTURE IS SUPERIOR TO THEM " .

ignore the interests of my citizens . Who gives a shit about the farmer that tolls his life producing food for me that i eat in excess and go to a Gym that charges through the roof to get me back in shape. I am no philanthropist to think about the welfare of my own brothers , let alone my countrymen .

Status in the society : The richer I am , the more I am respected. Though all i own is a BMW 525 d i still show off like i own the goddamned roads of the world . in front of illiterate farmers and clerks my BMW will look like the Chariot of God .

ever wondered why there are too many clerks and MBA aspirants in India ?? We love money so much that we would even give up our brains and reasoning ability just to touch money all day and fondle it and cuddle it like a new born baby .

Ultimately its money that drives an Indian . Teach a man to fish and he will never have to beg for the rest of his life . Show an Indian a currency note and he will produce them in tonnes for the rest of his life .

The modern Teen

I am a modern teen in India. By Modern i define myself as a cool guy which iteratively means i listen to the latest songs , have opinions on stuff i dont know and revolt against all established morals and practices . I dont know what those words mean but to me everything is in for a change and i am one of the next generation of the SuperPower .

Now that i have defined myself i have to show myself as to what i am . How do I do it ? Its simple . I simply follow the 10 commandments of a modern Teen

1) Modern looks require expensive dresses . they must be branded , torn and "IN" < I dont know what that means , still its "IN"> . My parents may or may not have the money to afford them , but my friends wear them and the media endorses it with Priyanka Chopra . I gotta get some of them even if i have to sell my kidneys for them. They signify that i follow youth politics on MTV extensively .

2) I must show rebellion at all times , even if the thing i rebel against is very helpful to me .

3) My vocabulary must not contain more than 10 words . Complicated words are boring . Words end with as many exclamation marks as they can. The shorter the better . And they must not exceed the list of word : " LOLZ....!!!" , "Awesum ,oosum, Yeah ! , Kewl ,@ hum , w r u,m txting," .

And i must make fun of guys who post with good grammar and of nerds and geeks who post in pseudo geek-jargon by trolling them with comments like " U luzer , U suckz , I Roxxx " etc etc

4)Hanging Out : My entire life depends on hanging out . I spend almost all my time with my friends except when at the Loo . We must bicker and chat like old hags all the time . Hanging out with a group as big as it can shows that I am well respected in my gangz of Cool Dudes . All sentences must include "Yo" and "woz up " to signify a gangster attitude.

5)Music : Rap and Pop . I dont know what the heck the guy sings in those songs . But they are cool cause its what most listen to. It might be full of swear words and Baby , Nigga , other racist slurs and sexual jibes . But i dont care cause i dont understand most of the time what he says.Hip-Hop is my life and I am gangsta for life .

In order to prove my allegiance to Rap and Pop i occasionally troll people who listen to other types of music. I troll HeadBangers as Goth Shit , classical Music listeners as Pussy shit . All other genre are stupid with shit at the end .

6)Intelligence : Yo dont need brains to survive in this world . I mean look at me ! I have never done anything commendable or used my brain to achieve solutions . I listen to MTV ! I rebel by listening to MTV . I show my intelligence by copying quotes of sites and uploading them as status updates on facebook or tweet them. I mean , who gives a damn as to who said it originally . By posting them i show class and ooze of brains . Studies are long way from me . whats in the textbook is enough . I am here to enjoy life , not to use to make the world a better place.

7)Photos on facebook : Publicity matters a lot . It is essential for me to take 20,000 pictures of mine in the same dress with different poses in all the angles contorting my body and take as many shots of my butt and body . The picture can be devoid of any talent as long as it covers my face .

8)Sports : OK. I follow sports to an extent . Its in my blood and i have enough brains to hold the statistics of my favorite player with ease . If there is one thing i love , its sports be it anything .

9)Movies : Anything with Katrina , Priyanka Chopra , Kareena and their respective Boyfriends ROCKZ in my opinion . And thats all i can say for any movie that releases .My frontal lobes are severly under-developed to appreciate the tonnes of Good cinema made in the art and even in the mainstream world . All i give a damn is for item songs . And yes i have "LIKED" the page where President Katrina has petitioned for a Best item song category at the National Film awards .

10)Scientific Outlook : Global Warming must be stopped . Plastic must be banned . oh wait ! even my toothbrush is polycarbonate . what do i brush my teeth with ? Human hair ? Who cares . I support the enviroment by planting more trees even if they dont have enough water in a poisoned soil . I drive a car at all times , even if its to go to a bathroom. I cant walk , my low hip pants wont allow it .

Ultimately , PALZ and ROKRZ , this is how i define myself as a modern Indian. With a billion more like me truly we can become the laughing stock of the Chinese and the Western World . we dont need to give a damn about the country , but as long as we post "LIKES " on the INDIA is OOSUM page in facebook we are being politically correct and are a perfect SuperPower's next GENERATION or GEN X!!!LOLZ !! , because you know shortened words are the norm ,

The amazing state of Indian braodband

Indian ISP's never get one thing straight. The modern Indian is educated , tech savvy and frankly there are enough geeks in this country to know that all Hacking in Hollywood is fake . They still dont understand that most of us are not satisfied with just checking our mails. We blog , troll , drool over pictures and watch tonnes of videos be it IPL highlights or MITOCW lectures . In such a situation what do we still have -> Capped Data Plans .

512 Kbps broadband was popular in when broadband was getting popular in our country. Content was in SD , not even 480 p , no IPL , nothing HD . Bandwidth seemed sufficient . Fast forward to 2011 , everything is in HD , even Kali Mark Soda ads . Students unable to put their lives in the hands of the modern faculty of India want to expand their horizons and learn from teachers in the best universities across the world .

With a 1 GB cap on bandwidth , it would be one costly price to pay .

ISP completely miss the point . I dont need a 40 Mbps connection with a 10 GB cap that will be obliterated in 10 min. Give me 2 Mbps of Unlimited Plans .I dont want to login to a webpage every time i turn on my computer to access broadband . I just want the modem to do it all by themselves . And oh , next time please give me a cable modem that looks like one not something like a Kindergarten Candy Box. Charge me 2000 bucks for it , i dont give a damn but make it worthwhile. Let me adjust its settings . We aint so dumb .

Really , this kind of locking in/ dumbing down stuff by ISPs and manufacturers seem like an insult to the country that produces more Engineers than its rice output in 5 years. Give me Unlimited Plans . And by Unlimited i mean NO CAPS , not the Fair Usage policy stuff that a lot use to again restrict unlimited plans .

please ISPs listen to us . we know you are greedy . We know that the lack of broadband literacy among us is making you milk us dry . Have a heart and give us some Unlimited Plans at a nominal price .

From a guy that depends on the internet to satisfy all his senses , physical and mental