This is an option hardly addressed by many cosmetic companies . While most of them are aware of this country's obsession with fairness ( except the government ) hardly few understand the cravings on an Indian to save as much money as he can . However luckily for them the need to become fair is a more powerful pull than the needs to save money thanks to high disposable incomes and globalization . With foreign brands like Chanel , L'Oreal ,Christian Dior etc . available in India pretty soon the brown will be forever abolished from the face of India to be replaced by pure milky silky costly white .The UPA government is said to discussing a plan to offer more subsidies on cosmetics to people ,cutting back on organic farming and solar power harvesting to eradicate this nation-wide disease .
Until such plans are implemented your options for cheap fairness are quite limited .
Step Right in . You have come to the right place . Below are some of the cheapest products I have known that will enhance your non-existent fairness in no time . A few are household items that wont even increase your current budget by a single penny .
Calcium Carbonate . This piece of cosmetic is a beauty . It is found in large quantities in talcum powders .Even building are made fair using this stuff .Think about it man ..... What is the secret of the house that stands out in the sun without getting tanned in years ? And this stuff is literally dirt cheap . And best of all is that if it is winter , this warms up your skin without the need of any artificial heaters , further bringing down the costs . And yeah , its completely maintenance free. Paint yourself once and forget the need to ever visit the beauty parlor for years . Even the Caucasians would envy you .
Chlorine. If calcium carbonate is not your style ,then step up to chlorine . The most widely used bleaching agent . If you are not convinced , let me give you an example . Trees are brown ( just as you skin) in color . yet the paper produced from them are snow-white . Why ? Chlorine . Chlorine is used to bleach wood pulp to produce WHITE paper . Your skin is softer than wood pulp making it easier to bleach you white . Chlorine is anti-bacterial and can effectively kill the microbes that cause pimples and other skin problems effectively cleansing your skin .
( Note : As chlorine is a carcinogen , you can even die quickly , without having to worry about growing old or worrying about future expenses. )
Asian Paints . Ironically , this paint aims to eradicate the color of the Indian continent , brown and yellow . Unlike chlorine and calcium carbonate where you get only one kind of texture , paints allow a broader variety of texture . Choose from glossy , matte , patterned and multi-color . Want to be a redneck ? add some red paint in the neck and the cheeks and chin and almost everywhere . Plus painting allows the option of having multi color posters on your body . Become Ronny Coleman by simply painting big muscles and the bollywood six pack on yourself ( Note: Ronny Coleman is brown ) . Top off the the body paint with some reflective coating to keep yourself cool in summer . For some extra cost , Asian paints will even paint your body with mickey mouse themed colors and designs ( thats right , you rulezzz ma man ) .
If you are a shut-in guy who never likes to get out of the house or a facebook ka baap ( you are if you upload 20000 pics of yourself sporting cheap sunglasses and have each part of your anatomy tagged and liked by 400 people ) then here is an even simpler idea .Take a 50 rs ,200 Megapixel camera . Shoot a picture of yourself naked in front of a white wall . Load it into your Core 7 Duo computer. Open the image in a image editor and invert colors . Bingo the wall becomes black and you white . Upload it in facebook and tag all your rockstar friends in it . And you have yourself a new white rapper /bollywood banger/whatever the fuck you are .
Harpic . The ultimate. Soak the yellow muck of your turd soaked toilet for 20 min with this blue wonder and flush . Presto!! sparkling clean white toiler . Same applies to you . Take a paper and apply a copious amount of harpic over it and cover your face with it . Lie still for 20 min and wash it off with some lizol .
For added clear skin effect use some dettol .
If any of the above products have proved effective in your quest for fairness , be caring and share this article with your friends . Brownness is a serious contagious disease that passes through generations . These products are not only effective , they are also CHEAP , a crucial characteristic in the face of ever rising inflation of food prices . A small step like mailing this article will go a long way in abolishing the brown color from our country forever,freeing us from oppression and allowing us to achieve our full potential of being a superpower .
this is a scream
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