Saturday, August 24, 2013

Congress bids to tap into INTERNET generation , declares Orkut as Other Backward Caste.


The congress government in a bid to change its sagging image over YoPappusoDumb tweets has decided to play the divide and conquer card by declaring Orkut users as a Other Backward Community and therefore eligible to avail the plethora of schemes under the UPA government.
The moves comes after the UPA's efforts to effectively mobilise social media and support of internet savvy youngsters blew up like North Korea's nuclear missile . Citing increased abuse of the minority community on facebook and twitter , the Congress government's megaphone Diggy Singh gave the following report to our reporter “ We have watched the pathetic state of Orkut since 2009 when it was eclipsed by other social media networking sites . They have not only stolen away the intelligent users from Orkut , they also mock members of Orkut publicly and subject them to great humiliation . There is even a profile called Wall of Shame in facebook where orkut user's email id and phone numbers are posted so that members can make fun of Orkut users in other online communities . In fact one of our very own party officials have been subject to tremendous humiliation when the BJP and other parties knew that he had an Orkut account. “ When asked by our reporter to identify the official involved in the harassment case , Diggy declined citing privacy concerns . He however added that the person is now recuperating after such a vicious attack online in Italy . Ending the conversation with a firm note , he said “ As a secular state , we just cannot tolerate this kind of rampant communalism as practised by Modiji who sends updates only via his tweets . Every ,community needs to be addressed equally .”
The government has also said that it will direct BSNL to provide 27% reservation in internet bandwidth to certified Orkut users . The opposition condemned the move so strongly that online communities froze for over a minute before coming out of shock and resuming normal activities . A probe has been demanded to be taken up by the Election Commission for what many describe as a bribe to convert users into Orkut . BJP leaders meanwhile have added that “along with a ban on religious conversions , a ban on online community conversion will also be put into law once it comes into power”

Critics on facebook and twitter accused the congress of playing the minority card to manipulate vote banks during the next general elections . “Honestly who the bloody hell gives a scrap about these Orkut users “ posted a fb-ian on his wall , which was then liked and shared by fellow fb-ians .Facebook users destroyed effigies of Orkut pages on facebook and assaulted orkut supporters by spamming their walls with viagra and poonam pandey pictures . #BoycottOrkutAndolan became the trending hashtag on twitter . 

“  If bearing with people who had Shahid Kapoor themes for their profiles wasnt enough , I now have to hand over 27% of my bandwidth to these bollywood listening idiots “ laments Aditya Rockdick , a rocker from New Delhi both an active facebookie and twitterati .

Google meanwhile welcomes the move. “Honestly , we were in a conundrum as neither Orkut nor Google+ did as well as we expected . “ quotes Sergey Brin. “ The OBC status should bring a lot of relief and comfort to Orkut users who have been ignored by the rest of the world and have become unfriendables on other networks . No one should have to ever go through the experience of opening their accounts after 3 weeks and find just underwear ads and no updates from friends . Its too inhumane of us to even think of subjecting a person to such torture . “


Sergey Brin also added that he would like to see Google+ users given a scheduled tribe status in India. “you know its a wilderness out there in the world of google+. One rarely gets to see another active user . Google+ is a jungle with neither stalkers nor girls “

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